A Couple that Plays Together, Stays Together! What Motivates a Couple to Work with a Professional Dominatrix?

This blog was inspired by a post I recently saw on Instagram. It was a photo of a well-established ProDomme with the script “The face that has destroyed 1000 marriages”. I went through a range of emotions when I read this. First shock (I realize this is perhaps the marketing strategy she is going for), then anger, frustration and ultimately abhorrence. ProDommes often experience exclusion and discrimination from choosing a profession that is not yet understood or valued by society. Navigating this stigma is challenging enough without posts like that propagating the stereotype that ProDommes are cruel, heartless, home wreaking Women who don’t care how their actions affect others. If your goal as a Dominant is to destroy marriages rather than strengthen them, I strongly urge you to look for a new career.

I absolutely love working with couples. It’s one of the things I love most about being a ProDomme. I feel honoured to be invited into a relationship knowing how important trust and confidence is when looking for the right fit. What motivates a couple to work with a professional dominatrix will vary depending on the experience they desire. I’ve listed the most common reasons below. Keep reading to hear about all the fun that can be had!

  1. A husband or wife in an established D/s relationship wants to send their partner to Me for training, reward or punishment

My first experience was with a wonderful married couple who had an established FemDom dynamic. The wife contacted Me, explaining that She wanted to reward her husband for being so attentive and working so hard for Her and their family with a first time pegging. She arranged for him to meet Me for coffee before scheduling our first session so that he would feel safe and comfortable with moving forward. During Our sessions I ask him repeatedly who owns him and he responds “my Wife Sara does”. I was simply an extension of his partner and there to train and reward him according to Her wishes. I have sessioned with this sub several times and each time is incredibly exciting. Planning the session with his Wife and sending a follow up email to her with photos as requested is great fun. Once she locked him up in chastity and sent Me the code to his plastic lock. I unlocked him for the session and put the chastity device back on him while he was restrained and sent her the serial number for his new lock. he never had access to his own pleasure but instead was completely controlled by the two of us even though I have never met Her! His Wife and I came up with a bit of a surprise the last time I saw him. She requested that I have My female sub join our scene. I started the session with him while My sub was told to keep quiet in the cage. I led him around the studio on a leash, finally directing him to look into the cage and revealed the generous addition his Wife arranged for his afternoon. From what I heard, he was incredibly grateful.

Another fun experience I had was when a husband contacted Me on Instagram requesting that I punish his submissive wife. She had been instructed to look good for him for a formal event but she did not put the effort he expected into doing her hair properly. His punishment was to let Me decide on her haircut. I believe she was relieved because if it was up to him, he would have shaved it off! I decided to change the colour and take off quite a bit of length. She is a mom after all and has a corporate job. I have to respect her lifestyle when making a decision as paramount as a woman’s hair style! Her husband sent Me before and after pics. Everyone was quite pleased with My choice and from what I hear she has been much more attentive to his instructions since. The threat of a forced head shave for future infractions of this nature was effective indeed.

  1. A couple wants to learn how to better dominate/submit to their partner

There are many opportunities to learn about FemDom in Our wonderful Toronto fetish community through workshops, play parties and more, but nothing is more valuable than hands on training. These types of sessions are individualized to a couples dynamic, history, experience, interests and limits.

  1. A couple wants to learn a specific BDSM skill or activity

Skill is required for most BDSM activities. I ensure that My knowledge and training is current for any service I offer. A ProDomme’s experience and education makes them a perfect fit for someone who wants to learn how to flog, paddle, sound, pierce or restrain their partner. Emphasis is always on safety.

  1. A couple wants to add to their dynamic by having one partner session with Me, either alone or while they are present

I always encourage open communication with both partners whether they are present are not. If a partner is joining in person to participate in play or just watch, I give them a safe word also. If I do or say something in session that makes them feel uncomfortable, I want them to have a way to communicate that to Me. If a partner has consented for Me to meet with their husband or wife and will not be present for the scene, I am always available to discuss their expectations, concerns, wishes and limits. I do not require tribute for this time. Establishing a rapport that makes a partner feel comfortable with and respected by Me is something I consider integral to My client centered approach to professional domination.

  1. A partner wants Me to top their submissive with them or have Me top them both

Does it really get better than that? Enough said!

I sent the following questions to a few of the couples I have worked with. Their responses showed some (unsurprising) themes. All three couples that responded have been together for a significant amount of time and have put in the work to build a solid foundation for their relationship. Most importantly they all expressed how important communication is when introducing a third party into their dynamic. Thank you to the couples that took the time to share your experiences with us through this blog.

How did the idea of working with a ProDomme come up in your relationship?

S&W: The idea of a ProDomme came about as a teaching/training aid from my husband and I.  The idea of D/s relationship was a new one for us and like most things, eliciting the help of a professional always produces the best rests. Working with Lady Azelle allowed me to start off with a proper training regimen for my husband and has allowed us to explore deeper into our passions and desires.

TJ&A: he had been thinking about it for many years, as he identifies strongly as a submissive. he asked about doing it for his birthday and She said yes. The only real discussion about it was whether She would join, watch or not be there at all.

P&M: (M) We have always been open about our desires and needs when it comes to all areas of our relationship.  I tell him what I desire and he shares the same with me.  Over the years, we’ve grown together in many areas.  Although he and I do a lot at home, we recognized that he wanted more in terms of equipment and knowledge.  We have plenty of toys and outfits and fun, but he’s well ahead of me for experience and we thought this might be a fun way to go, assuming we kept communicating.  We discussed the idea of him contacting a professional to allow him to achieve one of his desires.  We did a lot of research on the subject and on professionals in our area.  He and I selected someone to try.  Through trial and error, open and honest conversation, and research, we eventually landed with Lady Azelle and couldn’t be happier.

(P) She and i talk very openly about things after almost 2 decades together.  It’s part of what keeps our relationship strong and close.  She has indulged me over the years on a very regular basis, but She also knows that there is lots “out there” that can come from connecting with the right people/person.  Our relationship thrives on each of us pursuing our interests and hobbies.  Outside of the realm of this specific context, we have other areas each likes to pursue either solo or together. Life’s too short to live with regrets.

Whose idea was it?

S&W:It was my idea for my husband and I.  I have always been excited by the D/s relationship, but was not sure how to pursue it in my daily life.  I started one night with a simple blindfold on him, at first he was a little hesitant, but then enjoying the experience and letting his guard down and his inhibitions free.  Blindfolds turned into playful handcuffs and more attention to my desires.  I wanted to take this up another notch, I wanted this to be our lifestyle.  So I addressed my wants with him and he was open to the idea.  What was next? I came across Lady Azelle.  I told my husband let us get a professional involved to help us achieve the lifestyle we now desired.  He agreed, and he started a first meeting with Lady Azelle and then subsequent training sessions.

TJ&A: It was his idea and he very much wanted Her to be there. Her not being there was never really a question. Whether She joined or just watched was the focus of discussion.

P&M: (M) The idea came from our constant communication and sharing of our wants and needs.  I think he aimed the conversation toward where we ended up, but we both agreed it was the right idea.

(P) i would say that i came up with the idea through lots of discussion with my Wife. However, without Her approval and understanding, i would have never proceeded in contacting a professional.

Briefly describe your relationship status (marital status, length of relationship, D/s dynamic etc)

S&W: We have been together since the beginning of high school, for 20 years now, married and happy for 10.  With the help of Lady Azelle, we enjoy a very fulfilling D/s lifestyle.  One which sees all my desires met and exceeded, and his happiness well taken care of.

TJ&A: We have been together 13 years and married for 3 (12 and 2 at the time of our session). She more or less runs the household, but he helps with major decisions. There is no real D/s dynamic, though he does enjoy when She is in charge.

P&M: (M) We are happily married for more than 10 years and have been together for double and then some.  We go back and forth on top and bottom.  But, I feel he may be a bit happier on the bottom.

(P) We’ve been together for a long time as partners and also married for a significant period of time. We explore and play at BDSM every once in a while.

How has this experience enhanced your relationship?

S&W: The experience with Lady Azelle has made us more open, in overall communication as well in our intimacy.  He has learned to be in chastity from the moment he comes home from work to the moment he leaves the next day.  My pleasure is his desire.  The teachings Lady Azelle provided to him taking a strapon has been wonderful.  Also, being open to a girlfriend join our relationship where he can only watch us and pleasure us has been wonderful.  The experience has just opened so many doors for us.

TJ&A: Helped establish more openness and communication. Also helped to realize fantasies.

P&M: (M) We continue to grow closer together because we communicate with each other.  Our experience with Lady Azelle has been a place where I’ve been able to confirm his discussions with me… which is always nice to do… not that I don’t trust him, but it still makes me feel great to hear he and Lady Azelle have respected our wishes during their time together.

(P) Our relationship is so strong because of the foundation we’ve built.  This experience has allowed me to continue to try new things and grow.  It’s also brought a bit more kink into our private relationship and allowed it to go as well.  There are always tests in a relationship.  In this case, the test helped us validate that things are working and we’re aligned and close.

What have been the challenges?

S&W: No real challenges, Taking the process/transition step by step has made everything easy, along with the comfort and safety of being with Lady Azelle.

TJ&A: Getting him to open up and ask in the first place was a big challenge. Once that hurdle was jumped, the rest was easy.

P&M: (M) I’ll admit that at first I was jealous of Lady Azelle.  She is beautiful and always appears professional and so well put together.  It was an adjustment that I had to make that would allow us both to honor our relationship and putting each other’s desires and dreams in a place where we could have them come to reality.

I was always nervous that a professional wouldn’t honor our wishes or limits.  There were some times with others while we were looking for the right person that things were not respected.  It made us BOTH feel worse than better.  It created doubt if we could find the right person to help us achieve what we were looking for, and it actually made him feel awful.  He felt embarrassed and he felt that he had to come home to admit things rather than celebrating our relationship.

(P) Finding the right Domme has been challenging for us.  For me, i wanted to find someone who understood my kinks, my limits, and my “headspace” in session.  When we started looking, i sessioned with a few others who didn’t necessarily understand the situation and relationship.  Unfortunately, it meant very challenging conversations when i “debriefed” with my Wife post session.  We both wanted this to be a “fun” thing and not something that would lead to difficult conversations.

Also, i found it challenging to walk my Wife through the limits and scope of a proposed session given her level of understanding and experience.  It took a lot of visits to various resources to have the right discussion.  Some of the resources we used got right into the details of things neither of us would be interested in (hard limits), but we went line-by-line when filling out Lady Azelle’s new client questionnaire.  Some things shocked my Wife a bit more than others, and it slowed the process as we’d then discuss, but it was certainly for the best.

Finally, we also found it difficult to find the right person just based on websites, etc.  Some ProDommes showed themselves in a light of being little more than an escort with toys, while others were “scary hardcore”.  Lady Azelle was just right for what we needed.

How did you navigate the challenges together?

TJ&A: he asked. She said yes. he helped Her to define certain things on the list of kinks. Limits were discussed and basically that was it. Thankfully there were no major challenges aside from his initial fear to ask.

P&M: (M) We’ve always believed in communication and honesty.  He’s never hidden things from me and I don’t hide things from him.  At first, when we started dating, I wouldn’t say this was the case.  But now it is and we’re so much happier.

(P) Lots of conversation and lots of honesty.  She had to be prepared to honestly tell me “no” when something went over the line while i had to understand and respect her position.  Alternatively, i had to be prepared to be honest and tell her why i liked something (or someone) and she had to be prepared to listen and understand.  Lots of considered conversation that didn’t result in friction.

What would have improved your experience?

S&W: The experience has just been perfect.  I wouldn’t change a thing!

TJ&A: As it was an exploration session, diving in and testing a whole bunch of different kinks, there is no way it could have been improved. It was to see what we liked and didn’t like.

Lady Azelle took everything as slowly and carefully as it needed to be.

Now, the next session can be a little more pointed as we know certain limits and things that we enjoyed and didn’t.

P&M: (M) This is a hard question for me to answer.  On one hand, I could talk about the other professionals and what we experienced, but I don’t really want to do so… too many bad thoughts, so I’ll focus on me.

I wish I reached out to Lady Azelle sooner about him and his visits.  I knew about them because he and I talked about them.  Since I reached out, I’ve found I’m more active and I’m really working hard to build up my own skills.  Also, I’m more excited about his time with her knowing that I can better involve myself before and after his visits.

(P) i am honestly not sure how to respond to this.  It’s really hard to say.  It was a bit lumpy, but we’ve arrived.

What piece of advice would you give to other couples thinking about involving a Professional Dominatrix into their dynamic?

S&W: Open line of communication between you and your partner.  Never overstep boundaries they are not comfortable with.  Also, keeping Lady Azelle abreast of what is going on, limitation, expectation keeps sessions engaging on the edge and just plain spectacular.

TJ&A: Communication. Communication. Communication. Don’t hold back. State plainly what you think you want out of it and discuss it with your partner completely.

Other than that? Just do it!

P&M: (M) If you don’t have trust and communication, don’t involve anyone else in your relationship.

(P) i am very lucky to have such a supportive Wife and someone who shares my beliefs and wants to support me.  Honesty is always the best policy.

What are your thoughts on inviting a ProDomme into your relationship? Let Me know HERE!

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