Cleanliness is Next to Goddessliness – How I Keep My submissives, Myself and My Studio Safe!

At the start of a session, once I have My submissive undressed and collared, standing in front of Me with their hands behind their back and legs spread wide, I look firmly in their eyes and say “you are safe with Me”. I say this to build relationship, to build trust. I want them to know that I know what I am doing. It encourages submission and surrender so I can train them as I please. Keeping a submissive safe is a huge responsibility and it is something I (and every good Dominant) take very seriously. After all, their life and well-being is literally in My hands. I always appreciate when a potential play partner asks Me how I clean My implements and studio. I am impressed when a submissive takes responsibility for their health and safety and communicates their concerns well. To make this conversation a bit easier, I’ve decided to list all the things I can think of that I do to keep Myself and My submissives safe. These practices are also followed by The Ladies of the Ludus. Since we all know that BDSM is an exchange, I have also listed things a submissive can do to contribute to a safe and healthy session. After all, playing safe can be a huge turn on for everyone! But first, here are some fun facts I learned when completing the Blood Borne Pathogens course through the Canadian Red Cross that are applicable to some BDSM activities. Blood borne pathogens are infections/illnesses that are transmitted through contact with blood – more specifically Hep B, Hep C and HIV. These cannot by transmitted through contact with feces, urine, saliva or through air (coughing, sneezing, breathing). Hepatitis A is not a blood borne pathogen but should be mentioned in the context of BDSM play. Hep A is a viral infection of the liver that can make you feel like you have the flu and can have debilitating symptoms that cause long term damage.  It is spread from fecal matter to mouth. What this means, is that you can be exposed if you are engaging in activities such as rimming or scat or are using toys, equipment or a play area that have come into contact with fecal matter and were not sanitized adequately. Not a sexy thought I know, but this is the reality of playing with bodily fluids which happens often in intimate play. Please make sure you know the Hep A status of your play partner and ask if they have had their Twinrix vaccination. The most effective prevention of Hep A (and B) is to make sure you have been vaccinated yourself. There is no risk of Hep A (or Hep B) if you have been vaccinated. If you are not sure if you have been vaccinated or it was a long time ago, request to get tested for antibodies which will let you know if you have immunity or not. The most common way a blood borne pathogen (Hep B, Hep C, HIV) is spread is with a sharps injury which can happen with needle play, edge play involving cutting, stapling, or any other play that involves penetrating the skin. The good news is that the risk of infection after a needle stick or sharps injury is very low. The risk for Hep C is approximately 1.8 % and the risk for HIV is 0.3 – 0.5%. If you do experience a needle stick injury, wash the area gently with soap and running tap water as soon as possible, apply an antiseptic and clean dressing, and obtain prompt medical advice from your local doctor or hospital emergency department, preferably within 24 hours. Always dispose of the needle safely in a sharps container. There is no vaccination for Hep C or HIV so the best way to stay safe is to get regular STI testing and know your status, ask all play partners when they were tested last and what their status is. Play safe with gloves, condoms, and dental dams. Use proper sanitization techniques and avoid percutaneous injuries during play. Dominants Keeping Themselves Safe
  • Make self-care a priority! I cannot stress this enough! Before playing I always ensure I am well hydrated, well rested, have eaten and am in the right head space to be present with My submissive. I play within My own limits and am aware of My triggers. Schedule time after a scene for your own self-care. This is especially critical in a professional setting where you are expending a lot of energy topping regularly and frequently. And yes, aftercare is just as important for tops as it is for bottoms.
  • Never play under the influence. Recreational drugs and alcohol are the easy ones but I will not even play if I am talking cold medication, antibiotics or antihistamines that make Me drowsy or would impact My response time. My clients’ safety depends on Me being 100% alert and present. Also, I will not engage in golden play while taking prescribed medication (i.e. antibiotics) because they can be passed to My submissives through the consumption of urine.
  • Maintain current STI testing and immunizations.
  • Use disposable gloves for any play where there may be contact with bodily fluids (this includes cleaning up after a scene).
  • Wash hands with antiseptic hand soap after any contact with bodily fluids even when gloves are worn and appear to be intact.
Keeping My Submissives Safe
  • I maintain current certification in CPR, first aid and workplace infection prevention & control. Please never play with someone who does not have these basic trainings!
  • Only engage in BDSM activities you are educated and trained in. Spend adequate time practicing with someone who is experienced in that activity before performing it on your own. Keep this education and practice current. Revisit training in an activity that you haven’t practiced in a while.
  • Dominants should be knowledgeable about body mechanics, skeletal, muscular and fascial structures and safe areas on the body for impact play. I learned this though impact play workshops, seminars, conferences and by completing My personal training certification.
  • Explain safety and sanitization processes to your bottom before a BDSM activity begins. For example, when I am using urethral sounds with someone for the first time, I explain how they are cleaned, what I am going to do and what to expect. I ask if My sub has a history of UTI infections and I encourage them to urinate at the end of the sounding to eliminate bacteria from the urethra. This chat only takes a few minutes and although it may temporarily interrupt the flow of the scene, I would much rather give a brief explanation than have My bottom not enjoy the experience due to anxiety.
  • Use condoms on all insertables and on any implement that come into contact with skin (i.e Magic wand/vibrator). If a bottom is particularly apprehensive or new, I may say “I use condoms on all insertables” as I ease a butt plug in place.
  • Sanitize all implements and surfaces after each use. I used Lysol wipes and Cavicide in the past but have recently switched over to using Benefect Botanical Disinfectant and Fungicide which is an all-natural hospital grade cleaner with no hazardous chemicals which is healthier for Myself, My clients, My studio renters and Mother Earth.   I have an autoclave which uses high heat to effectively sanitize sounds and metal toys.
  • Provide a safe word (or gesture if bottom is unable to speak). I use the standard “red” (to stop and check in to decide is we are continuing with an activity or stopping), “yellow” (if feeling overwhelmed or need Me to decrease the intensity of what I’m doing), and sometimes “orange” (depending on the protocol) to renegotiate position. If a sub is unable to communicate verbally (due to gag, hood, being instructed not to speak without permission or unable to speak when in subspace), I give them a safe gesture. This could be holding up 2 fingers, dropping an item placed in their hand (tennis ball, lighter, etc.) or squeezing a squeak toy (particularly useful when completely encased in leather or latex). There are times when you may not give a safe word if you are playing with someone who is very experienced and you know very well, but this is never the default.
  • Remind a submissive of what their safe word or gesture is if they appear overwhelmed. There are times when I am pushing impact play and My submissive will be crying and yelling out for mercy. This in itself is super hot unless of course the sub really does need Me to stop and has forgotten their safe word in the excitement of it all. In moments like that I will simply say “Just a reminder, your safe word is red. Do you understand?”, before continuing to use My whipping post as I desire.
  • When playing with heavy bondage, sensory deprivation or breath play, NEVER lose visual contact with your sub. Do not use the washroom or turn your back to get an implement or an ice cube. Prepare in advance! Before a sub is encased in My latex vac bed I will remind them that I can take them out in 2 seconds if they use their safe gesture.
  • Have your play area cooler than what is comfortable when playing with extreme bondage (body bag, latex vac bed, saran wrap, duct tape, straitjacket etc.). Overheating and dehydration with this type of play is a real safety concern. Make sure your bottom is well hydrated if you are planning an extended bondage scene.
  • Use padding between your bottom’s knees and ankles when having them in tight compression bondage (bone on bone is never a pleasant sensation).
  • Before putting a submissive in inescapable bondage, I tell them when someone is using the studio next or when My next safety check in is scheduled for. There is no way that someone is getting out of My bondage on their own (Is it really bondage if it’s escapable?), and I don’t want a client fearing that they will die in a body bag should I become unconscious in scene for any reason.
  • If your submissive is in a safe position, tell them if you need to leave the room for any reason, when you will be back and ask them if they feel safe with this (unless of course you are doing a pre-negotiated abandonment or ignore scene).
  • Check in more frequently with first timers or when playing with someone for a first time.
  • If a sub appears anxious or overwhelmed, take a break from play to check in and reassure them that they are safe with you. Readjust intensity/activity if required.
  • Before a scene, ask a submissive about their medical and mental health considerations, triggers and aftercare requirements in addition to their interests and limits.
  • Always allow time for aftercare. It’s common to experience a shock like response after heavy pain or other intense play (shaking, feeling cold, dizziness/fainting, fatigue, sweating, rapid breathing). Have blankets and pillows available. Provide water, juice and snacks. I always have these stocked at My studio and offer them at the end of a scene or as needed. Low blood sugar is not ideal during play or driving home after a scene. I have experienced a client dropping after an intense scene causing him to pass out on the drive home. Taking time for adequate aftercare can help you avoid this kind of danger.
  • Plan for snacks or meals for an extended or overnight session (Did someone say wining and dining on the town while wearing a chastity device, butt plug and collar?)
  • Follow up 3 days after playing with someone (this is how long it typically takes for brain chemicals to return to normal levels). This check in creates an opportunity for post play communication, aftercare and relationship building.
  • I only use new sterile single use needles (sliding sheath needle and tube holder) and razors. Dispose properly in a sharps container.
  • Personal lubricants are kept in pump bottles which are disinfected after every use. If a lube is in a jar rather than a pump, then I dispense it with single use wooden sticks to avoid possible cross contamination from double dipping with fingers or gloved hands.
  • This one may be disappointing… I sanitize My shoes/boots after each tongue cleaning/worship. Not to worry, it is easy enough to get them in need of shining again.
  • I also wash My feet after contact of any kind with each person. If you want to worship My feet after the gym or after a long day of shopping in stockings, this can always be arranged with a bit of notice.
Keeping My Studio Safe
  • Ensure first aid kit is stocked and fire extinguisher is maintained.
  • Wash all fabrics after each contact with skin including rope, hoods, clothing, and towels.
  • Bleach all floors and steam clean area rug each week or more often as needed.
  • Leather equipment/implements are scrubbed with soap, hot water and disinfectant to remove contaminants then conditioned to maintain quality.
  • Ensure all implements, furniture and equipment are in good working order and repair when required.
submissives Keeping yourself Safe
  • Have a light meal 2 hours before your session and arrive well hydrated and well rested.
  • Let your Dominant know if you want to take more or less. There is nothing more frustrating for Me than getting an email the day after a session from a submissive saying they wished I went harder. Harder I can do! All you need to do is ask.
  • Don’t be afraid to use your safe word or gesture. Calling “red” just means I will stop immediately and check in. We can decide together if we continue, modify or stop an activity.
  • Tell your Dominant if you are having sharp pain, dizziness, weakness or shortness of breath.
  • Tell your Dominant if you have tested positive for STIs or blood borne pathogens. This doesn’t mean they won’t play with you; it just means they will be able to do a better job of keeping you, themselves and others using the studio safe.
  • If you are playing with sharps or scat, ask your Dominant when they had their last STI testing (every 3 months is adequate and is the schedule I keep), what the results were and if their vaccinations are current.
  • Never play under the influence of alcohol or drugs as this can affect tolerance and communication. Being in an altered state ultimately negates consent making it impossible to engage in BDSM activities which should always be safe, sane and consensual.
  • Disclose if you have a history of depression (you will be more susceptible to sub drop), anxiety, PTSD or anything else that may affect your play or aftercare requirements.
  • Bring your own toys to a session or play party. Many people feel more comfortable using their own gear and toys.
  • Listen to your body. If you need more time for aftercare or need a break during play, let your top know. Tell your Dominant about any known triggers and if they surface during a scene.
  • Trust your instincts. If someone or something doesn’t feel right, it’s OK to stop and leave the scene.
  • Consent can be withdrawn at any time. You do not owe it to your Dominant to continue with an activity that you previously consented to if you want to stop.
Please do not hesitate to contact Me to add or ask anything that I may have missed!

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